Pre-trip freakout

I'm probably the most impulsive and undecided at the same time person ever.  So while conceptually I thought it was a great idea to start a blog, I decided to do that without trying to figure out which blogging site would be the best to use while I was away.  So I've now started about 15 blogs, before coming back to this one. So my posts are all f'd up, and my countdown is all wrong, and this is not the right way to start my journey by having 109 blogs and inaccurate countdowns!  But I'll have to stick with this one now, so I can have one place to keep my thoughts. 

I've done a lot of research on the places I'm planning on going, and decided I can definitely expand outside of the 3 core countries (Arg, Chile & Bolivia).  I'd like to go to Colombia and see La Ciudad Perdida, the lost city which follows the whole, trek for 15 years to get to some abandoned ancient ruins that people don't really know anything about kick I've been on.  And possibly Venezuela too.  I know these things will be all figured out once I'm there, but with 3.5 months to go, I may as well start getting excited about it! 

But now here's the things I'm not getting excited about.  Giving up my apartment.  Seriously, what am I doing!  I spent the last 3 years accumulating furniture and moving from place to place til I found the one that I love the most, and now I'm selling all my furniture and putting the wardrobe it's taken my years to build and throwing it into suitcases to collect dust for 5 months?  And then what after that?  I'll have nowhere to live. And no job.  I actually can't even think about any of that because it freaks me out.  But I will miss this beautiful apartment, and everything in it.  I look around my room, and I'll miss all the little trinkets I've picked up over time.  My turkey from Turkey.  My little trophy for winning the Park Slope Valentine's Day run.  A picture frame of me & the girls in Israel.  My crystal flower vase from Prague.  What about my TV that I JUST bought and Jesse spent 15 hours drilling multiple holes into my wall to get it mounted?  Everything's going to be gone!  And Foxy. I miss her when I leave the room for 5 minutes.  She's sleeping at my feet right now, and if I nudge her a little she'll come right up and lay next to me on the pillow.  I love her so much that the thought of missing a half a year of her little dog life is awful.  One day, when she's not here, I'm going to remember that I abandoned her and I'm never going to get that time back.  What about that time with my family?!  My 3.5 friends?  It doesn't last forever, and I'm opting to go BY MYSELF and leave them all.  Ok, I'm definitely just having a freakout tonight.  I still have so much time, and really it's just an extended vacation.  It's just like studying abroad, if I had done that in college this would be the same exact thing pretty much.  Ok, calming down now.  I've always been a major fan of change - once things get too routine I always find something new to get involved in to change it up, so after 6 years in NY, this is apparently it.  Things will be fine.