I'm now at the point where I've been home nearly as long as I was gone. So much has changed since I've come back. My life is the same, but at the same time entirely different. I've changed the way I look at everything, in a good way, and I think that throwing myself into a situation completely unknown opened me up to the ability to start every day not knowing what to expect, and be happy with the outcome.
This morning I went for a run along the promenade in Brooklyn Heights - the sun was out, the weather was perfect, and my ipod played the perfect selection of songs. I was beaming as I ran the entire time - I think for the first time in as long as I can remember, I felt at place here. I've always had mixed feelings about being in New York. I felt that I was from here so it was my home, but I never felt like it was truly mine. Today, I felt that for the first time.
I think that I wanted to leave for so long, that it became something that seemed like it couldn't be a reality. So when I left, I was not only leaving my life behind, but challenging myself to prove I could actually take that step. I still look at my pictures and feel a pang of sadness that I'm not there. I have flashback dreams about hiking through the most beautiful mountains I'll probably ever see, and not having a thought run through my mind other than acknowledging that I was in a moment where I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world. I miss my friends, and meeting new people that made such an impression on me and changed me in ways I didn't know possible I'll probably always have to listen to Giacchino to fall asleep at night. I still wonder what would have happened if I'd just stayed, instead of coming back to reality. But now that I'm in a place that I love and most of the elements of my life are slowly falling into place, I can say, that the unsettled feeling I've always had lingering over me is starting to subside and I think it's going to be okay.
